Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!, 2015

Sharknado 3 oh hell no

July 22, 2015
Dir. Anthony C. Ferrante
Prod. David Michael Latt
Genre: American Disaster Horror Sci-Fi
Starring: Ian Ziering, Tara Reid, Cassie Scerbo, Bo Derek, Mark McGrath, Frankie Muniz, Ryan Newman, Mark Cuban, Jack Griffo, David Hasselhoff

My first thought when I saw the commercial for Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! was “Oh hell yes!”. My next thought was, “these movies get worse and worse every year. I can’t wait to watch it!” I then immediately went and listened to the Sharknado song (video at the end of this review) which has now been stuck in my head ever since.

Sharknado 3 is everything I was hoping it would be and more. Unlike the first two, the third film in the series doesn’t take place in just one city, but instead goes all the way from Washington, DC to Florida. With many returning characters from the first and second films and a wide array of new faces, Oh Hell No! takes cheesy shark film to a whole new level.

Where do I begin with Sharknado 3? I don’t think it really need too much description as far as plot goes. Anyone who has seen the first two know the general idea and, if you don’t know what it’s about, just read the title. It’s about a Sharknado. What is a Sharknado?

Sharks! Tornado! Sharknado!

That was said in the trailer for the first film and I still remember the exact voice and way it was said and is the way I describe Sharknado to everyone I know.

Honestly, this film is gold. Really, the whole series is (and yes, I said series. They announced a fourth film shortly after the third one premiered). Sharks in space, stair-surfing, sharks on waterslides, Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! had everything.

Sharknado - Shark surfing

There were many notable actors and actresses in this film, including David Hasselhoff, Frankie Muniz, Mark Cuban, and even with appearances from Lou Ferrigno, Penn and Teller, Jedward, and even George R.R. Martin who died during a screening of “Shark Wedding”. Well played Sharknado 3, well played.

George R.R. Martin

Having the main character in a shark film be named Fin is super cheesy and I laugh every time. Then, just when I thought it couldn’t get worse (better), Fin’s father is named Gil. And who plays Gil? None other than The Hoff. Yes, David Hasselhoff was in Sharknado 3.

It’s always funny because I just try to imagine what it must be like to have any of the Sharknado films on your resume. Like, I’d say a good majority of people have at least heard of the film by now and I just try to picture people’s reactions to seeing that on an actor’s resume when you’re casting them for a film or show.

One aspect of this film that I think many people enjoyed was the introduction of Lucas who was played by Frankie Muniz. Seriously, I could not count the number of Malcolm in the Middle jokes made. This one was definitely the most popular:

Sharknado 3 - Malcolm The Middle

Mark Cuban also played a part in this film as the President of the United States. If you can have one of the guys from Shark Tank say, “This is for America baby” as he’s using machine guns to fire, you’ve done well. Though apparently not well enough to afford a good green screen, as was displayed when Fin, Martin, the President, and Vice-President kill a shark with a giant American flag in front of the Washington Monument. It was the worst green screen effect I have ever seen in a film and I loved it.

Sharknado 3 - Green Screen

We saw the return of Fin’s beloved chainsaw in this film. Seriously, if a sharknado ever actually happens I’m just going to grab a chainsaw because apparently that’s all you need to survive. He actually had a golden chainsaw in this film which was actually part of his award given to him at the ceremony in Washington. I’m fairly certain that most awards given are probably fake, but not this one. Fin got a working, golden chainsaw because why not.

Sharknado 3 - Lightsaber Chainsaw

He also had what looked like a lightsaber chainsaw while they were in space. Little nod at Star Wars? I think so. Even April had a chainsaw this time around! Well, a handsaw. Yup, that’s right. After losing her hand in Sharknado 2: The Second One, April apparently replaced the missing appendage with a chainsaw. Pretty cool, but it seems a little inconvenient (not to mention dangerous) when you think about the fact that she’s going to be holding a baby soon.

Also returning was Nova who we hadn’t seen since the first one. They took the return of Nova as a chance to coin the term “Post-Traumatic Shark Disorder” which was the best decision they could’ve made.

Sharknado - PTSharkD

At one part of the film, Fin and The Hoff are going up into space to set off a laser (a terrible CGI laser) to destroy the sharks. April ends up climbing aboard the rocket and going with them Now, they don’t usually let pregnant women fly on a plane during their third trimester, I’m about 99% certain that going to space probably wouldn’t be a good idea either, but I’m guessing no one’s ever really tested the theory.

Sharknado 3 - Sharks in Space

But then, I guess if sharks can survive in space the baby will be fine. Seriously, the sharks in these films are indestructible to everything except gunshots and chainsaws. How is that they can survive in space and in tornados, but a single shotgun wound can kill them? How? Can someone answer that for me?

Probably the absolute most ridiculous part of the film (and that’s saying something) was April giving birth inside the shark. Now I’m going to be totally honest, I wasn’t aware Fin and April had older children. I guess that little detail went right over my head during the first two films when I was focusing a lot more on the sharknados.

While they’re in space April is eaten by a shark that then begins to plunge back down to Earth because apparently gravity decided the sharks weren’t allowed to be in space anymore. April somehow survived and, in a dramatic twist, she’s the one who chainsawed her way out of the shark this time. Along with the baby!

Sharknado 3 - Baby

How ridiculous does this thing look? Like, I thought the CGI on the sharks was bad, this baby is so obnoxiously fake looking, they weren’t even trying. But, just like everything, this only made the film a thousand times better.

One thing I was disappointed about was that we didn’t get to see Jedward being eaten by sharks. Jerry Springer was attacked by the shark from Jaws, but Jedward lived. *sigh*

Sharknado 3 - Jerry

The film ends with a giant piece of space metal falling on April and it is up to viewers to vote for whether or not she lives or dies in the fourth one. I mean, realistically she’d be dead. I’m surprised she’s made it to number three already. But this is Sharknado and if April can give birth while inside a shark in space, there’s no way a piece of space metal will kill her. That’ll actually be the most unrealistic thing in the whole series.

The acting is bad, the CGI is terrible, the music is fantastic, and I am incredibly excited for the fourth one. Sharknado 3 was just as gloriously bad and fantastic as the previous two. I’m so glad these movies exist in the capacity that they do and I really want to thank Anthony C. Ferrante for bringing these masterpieces to the screen.

If you haven’t seen Sharknado 3 yet, or any of the Sharknado films for that matter, go watch them now. They are so worth it and you will be laughing for days.

Did you watch Sharknado 3? What did you think?

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